• Question: Tell us a joke.

    Asked by anon-74897 on 24 Jun 2020.
    • Photo: Douglas Wragg

      Douglas Wragg answered on 24 Jun 2020:

      Knock, knock,
      Who’s there?
      Martini who?
      Martini hand is frozen!!

      Well, you asked for it!!!!!

    • Photo: Graham Hinton

      Graham Hinton answered on 24 Jun 2020:

      Due to the cancellation of so many sporting events they are going to broadcast the World Origami Championships.
      It’s going to be on paper view…

      I’ll get my coat.

    • Photo: Doogie Kenyon

      Doogie Kenyon answered on 24 Jun 2020:

      I’m thinking of selling my Dyson.

      I mean…. It’s just gathering dust

    • Photo: Conor Tickner

      Conor Tickner answered on 25 Jun 2020:

      There are two fish in a tank and one turns to the other and says:
      “So how do you drive this thing anyway?”

    • Photo: Jeni Spragg

      Jeni Spragg answered on 25 Jun 2020:

      What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

    • Photo: Oana Lazar

      Oana Lazar answered on 25 Jun 2020:

      Q: Have you heard of Moore’s Law?
      A: Yes, the number of transistors on integrated circuits will double each year, so computers will be twice as fast.
      Q: Have you heard of Ohm’s Law?
      A: Oh yes, the current flowing through a conductor is proportional to the voltage across the conductor divided by the resistance, so I = V/R.
      Q: Have you heard of Cole’s Law?
      A: Hmm…no, I don’t think I have actually, what is it?
      Q: Oh, it’s just thinly-sliced cabbage with some dressing and mayonnaise.

    • Photo: Nicola Grahamslaw

      Nicola Grahamslaw answered on 27 Jun 2020:

      Q. Why did the scarecrow win so many awards?
      A. Because he was outstanding in his field.

    • Photo: Kevin Burke

      Kevin Burke answered on 1 Jul 2020:

      A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything they want to measure it, and have all the time they need.

      The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by 2π to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by π again, and then multiplies by 4/3 and thereby calculates the volume.

      The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures.

      And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up on the internet.

    • Photo: Martin McKie

      Martin McKie answered on 9 Jul 2020: last edited 9 Jul 2020 2:04 pm

      One from my four year old:

      Q: Why did the orange stop?
      A: Because it ran out of juice

    • Photo: Tom Rooney

      Tom Rooney answered on 9 Jul 2020:

      I had some things to click & collect from B&Q so I rang the store to see how busy they were.
      When I asked the person “how big is the queue?”
      they replied “Same size as the ‘B’!”

    • Photo: Francis Batchelor

      Francis Batchelor answered on 10 Jul 2020:

      A boat carrying red paint, and a boat carrying blue paint, crashed into each other.
      The crews were marooned….